Our tale picks up, as a band of three descend upon the Ster Kinekor at Sandton to watch Peter Jackson's latest to see what would become of Bilbo, Gandalf and that hardy band of dwarves.
Little did we know, that much like the film itself, an acrid fog of hot stink & dread would descend upon us, creating a malaise so devastating, we may as well have watched the film in a flotation tank swirling with human excrement.
I sincerely believe a septic tank must have exploded in the vents, tainting the air like a poisoned orc arrow, and draining us of our color for the general olfactory ambiance: shunned leper colony meets old-age home bedpans.
I recommend to you, dear management to sit in that cinema no. 2, and experience it for yourself, with your maltezers and slush puppies & endure wave after putrid wave of eye-watering gassy refuse, as you gag the 2 hours and forty minutes of the Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Perhaps you may consider this as Smell-O-Vision, the next level in entertainment (Feel the desolation!)
But here I think, it might serve you best to close the afflicted cinemas and banish your viewers (YOU SHALL NOT PASS!) until Sauron (Sewage) is defeated.
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